Fall from Grace

I watched a documentary tonight about the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas. (Look it up on Wikipedia - this is some scary shit).

I try to stop myself from talking about religion, but I can't help it. There are several things I don't understand:

1. If god has this long list of "sins", of arbitrary things that are supposed to be "wrong", why the hell would you want to be associated with "him"? AND WHY DOES NOBODY EVER SAY THIS? I mean, say you have a friend, and everything you do, your friend says it's somehow wrong. Your friend doesn't approve. Your friend thinks you are a bad person. Would you continue to be friends with this person? Probably not. Yet you somehow value the opinion of some imaginary being, a possibility of an authority figure, an entirely fictitious asshole, over your judgmental friend? You would change your behavior because of what this god person says is right or wrong? Based on a book written however the hell (which also doesn't exist, except for right here on Earth) many years ago? I just don't understand how otherwise intelligent people can actually believe in this bullshit. Seemingly intelligent. Deceptively intelligent. Are you fucking kidding me? Here's a good rule, and I don't need any god creature to help me come up with it: Do what makes you happy, as long as you're not hurting yourself or anyone else. Done! Did I just create a religion?

2. Did I mention that this documentary I watched (entitled "Fall from Grace" - watch it now on Netflix) is all about how this one particular church hates gay people? They even teach their kids that fags are going to hell. Now, I realize that this is an extreme case. However, I got to thinking about how sorry I felt for these kids. They can't help it. They've been indoctrinated, injected by their parents with total bullshit. They aren't allowed to have friends who think any differently than they do, so they don't know that what they believe is totally absurd. Then it occurred to me that these kids are going to grow up and be adults... just like their parents. So I also shouldn't blame their parents for their stupid beliefs. They, too, were indoctrinated. They were taught that the only thing that god cares about, above anything else, are the "miserable brats", the "beasts worse than animals", the "sinners whose sins can never be forgiven" - the fags. Fags are bad. Fags are evil. God will punish the fags, he will condemn them, he will make them burn in hell (good thing he's so tight with the devil!) for all eternity. FUCKING STUPID. FUCKING STUPID. FUCKING STUPID.

3. But it's not just this church. It's all churches for their arbitrary, selective beliefs. Based on a book. A fucking book. I want to write a book - maybe I'll get some friends to contribute some chapters of their own - wait, I think we already decided to write that book (entitled "On Bitches", coming soon) - or maybe I'll just write them all myself and give other random people credit for them - I want to write a book and have everyone worship it. For no reason other than it was written a long time ago and can't be proven (or disproven!) and Noah had an ark and someone at some point decided it was important. BULLSHIT. BULLSHIT. BULLSHIT. ALL RELIGIOUS PEOPLE HAVE BEEN FOOLED.

I wanted to drop out of school today. Not because of religion - this is something different entirely. I wonder if this is what I really want to do. Is it? Who the hell cares about learning French anyway? French people aren't invading our country. The French population isn't growing rapidly. What the fuck am I doing?

I miss Chapel Hill. I didn't really get to say goodbye. It was too gradual. There was no moment. Now my apartment there is gone, and so is the apartment before that, and so is the dorm before that, and so is the dorm before that. I'm done with Chapel Hill. I'm done with that new life that began August 23, 2003. And what do I have to show for it? Where is Steve? Where is Darrin? Where is Chase? Where is Ellen? Where is Jameson? Where is Kathryn? Where is Nena? Where is Mike?

WHAT THE FUCK DID I EVER DO TO YOU PEOPLE?

Seriously, Mike. Come on. I know you sort of hate me because I lived with John, and John was with Nena, and you still have feelings for Nena, and you're probably back together with her now, and she's a crazy bitch, and now that I've said that you're really not going to talk to me ever again. (There are so many great people out there for you - I heard you were cute. That's what Melissa said.)

But seriously... come on. I won't bite. Robbie loves you. At least you can believe in me.